quid enim
by the moonlight mona lisa
Summary: you get the feeling this is wrong. and then you remember her. — wander, mono.


You get this horrible feeling in your gut that you're not doing the right thing. The way the large creatures keel over and screech in pain is haunting. But you don't have time to contemplate anything – there is a girl you need to save.

When you look at her, at her pale skin, at the way it glistens in the sunlight, and at her beautiful locks and eyes, you don't seem to feel so terrible anymore. She looks like such an angel, dressed in white with the sun hitting her in just the right angles, and with the doves flapping around her.

She was an angel. She was _your _angel.

She's dead, but she starts to feel just a bit warmer with each beast that falls. You would do anything just to make sure she's alive.

After all, she shouldn't be dead. It doesn't matter what her fate was. It was unfair to kill such a beautiful, kind woman.

Though, sometimes you feel like a murderer, like you're doing the wrong thing. It happens too often.

And then you remember _her._

As your hand passes gently over her soft skin, a smile gently graces your features – something that has not happened since before her death.

Agro walks slowly up to you, and you pat your mare gently. The moment between the three of you is interrupted by Dormin's voice, and then you realize it's time to get back to work.

You don't really want to know what animal you'll be killing next, what piece of the lands is dying with them, but you have no choice.

To make sure Mono is okay, to make sure she's walking, you'd do anything.

You'd even give up your own life. Mono makes things so much more incomprehensible – the way you feel about her is almost surreal.

And that's all you think about as you get on your horse and ride away, following the sunlight to the next beast's residence.

* * *

With your horse gone and since you have basically become Dormin, there is little of you left. You can feel yourself slipping away, inch by inch, piece by piece, but all you know is you need to get to her.

_Mono_.

Your angel.

You stare at her, and as the men shoot at you and as Dormin wills you to crush and destroy, you feel immense guilt. Everything you have done has been wrong, and you have known that since the first time a colossus fell underneath you. But still, you can feel yourself telling you that though it was wrong, it was for _her._

Anything for her.

Then pain floods into you as Dormin is being sucked off of your body. You hate Dormin, you hate the way it used you just to destroy everything, and you hate the fact that Mono will never breathe again. She deserves to live, and you deserve to die.

But in the eyes of your tribe, she deserved to die, and you deserved to live.

It wasn't fair. Mono would never have done something like this, she even whispered and told you to stop through her death, and you know you shouldn't have done this, either. You just loved her too much to let her go, to let the world never have her again, and no matter what destruction and evil she would bring with her, she deserved to live.

You reach your hand out. If you could just touch her one more time, place your hand ever-so-gently on her cheek, how she used to sigh softly whenever you would do that.

You just want to touch her, to hear her, to _love _her before you are all gone. But that salvation is too much of wishful wanting, and you know it will never happen.

Tears fall relentlessly, and eventually, you succumb to the purified water.

All you can do is hope that she will awaken, and continue to love her, no matter what happens to you. This was the price Dormin warned you about, after all, and you were fine with this.

Anything for her. Anything at all.

* * *

You wail and cry and flail around – you don't know what else to do.

You're an _infant_, after all. And nothing makes sense. You don't know where you are, and absolutely everything looks strange and new.

Then, a woman comes by, such an angelic presence, with pretty, glistening pale skin, dark hair and kind eyes. She picks you up and coos at you, instantly taken with you.

In her arms, you feel safe.

The safest you have ever felt. The safest you will ever feel.

And for some reason you don't know, your infant heart seems to lurch and you cry harder. You want to speak to her, to tell her of the way you feel, though you don't quite understand, almost like you don't even remember. But all you can do is cry. As she rocks you gently, you seem to feel immense joy that this woman is alive. You feel as if you have seen this woman before.

And for some reason, she seems to know you, too.

For her, you stop crying.

Anything for her.


End file.
